"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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