At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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