those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
