Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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