Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
