he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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