Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just cropdusted the office
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Alive.
So much puke
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
