Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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