Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
