Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
