Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
