Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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