Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
