Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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