Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
