Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
