I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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