I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
