i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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