I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
