i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
