Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
