I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why do cheetos always look like penises
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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