Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's official drugs can't kill me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
