Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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