She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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