I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
