Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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