i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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