those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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