if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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