She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
40s are totally the cure
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.