hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book