Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
