the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
