you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
