I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
