I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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