my vag is so smooth its legendary
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
