bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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