yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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