just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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