Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
