we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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