there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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