I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
