I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
