apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
