$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
