he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
