She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
