I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
