I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
