$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
