the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
