According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
