I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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