I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
only you would photoshop your dick
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
