I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
