I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
