My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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