No stitches, just platelets and will power
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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