So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
