there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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