my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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