I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
