If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
