She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
