I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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