$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize