When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
