Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
