When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
