he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
