I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
