just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
