went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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