i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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