hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
