she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
