Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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